Down with Columbus
by FangnotFnick09
Summary: For Anti-Columbus day: The PJO characters need to kill Chris COlumbus to stop him from making any more horrible PJO movies. One-shot.


**Hey! I'm writing this for fun for a contest that's going on. Here's the info:**

Everybody who knows Maximum Ride knows anti-Hardwicke day, right? Well, now there's another one. Anti- Colombus day. The director of The Lightning Thief movie is Chris Colombus. I went to see the midnight premier (on a school nigh, I might add, and Valerie, if u read this, no messages complaining about how much I rant on this subject) and It SUCKED! Okay, it was a good movie, but it changed from the book to much. Tell everyone who has read TLT to write a fanfic about killing the director of the movie. Here are the requirements.

1) Must be at least 1,500 words. Not including author's notes, no repeating words over and over in order to meet the deadline.

2) Must include at least 5 characters from the book.

3) Someone must, at some point, say the words bacon, green, riptide, seaweed, _di imortales,_ and the name of at least 1 god or goddess

4) Someone must say the quote "the rainbow in your mind takes you where?"

5) Only 2 original characters can be OOC

6) Must contain at least 1 OC

7) Chris Columbus must DIE!

8) All characters physically in the story must have a line

9) All entries must be submitted by April 30th.

Cleverness is rewarded. Be funny. I will pick a winner based on these guidelines.

All entrants must send me a message with their screen name and story name, Good luck.

~UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND~

**So let the fun begin!**

***

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes. It was my first day back home after Camp Half-Blood that year. Everything had just been crazy, what with Kronos and the battle. But at least it was over now.

Wrong.

"Percy," I heard a voice hiss in my ear, "Percy, wake up!"

I opened my eyes just a slit, but when I saw who it was, I bolted up, eyes wide.

"Annabeth? What the... what are you doing here?" I said incredulously. We hadn't agreed on meeting for a few weeks. And I wasn't expecting for her to come to my house. Especially not in the middle of the night the day after we had left camp.

She grinned at me.

"Up and at 'em, Seaweed Brain!" She shook my shoulders, "There's a new problem out there that we've just became aware of. And we need your help."

"What?" I asked, "Nothing can be worse then Kronos. And he's dead- er, not a threat anymore. So let me sleep."

I rolled over and closed my eyes again, but she just sighed.

"I didn't think that I would have to resort to this," She said gravely, "But I have no choice."

I heard her rustle around, most likely in her bag, and then a sweet smell hit my nostrils. So... good...

"Baaaaacooooon," She said in a singsong voice, "Come on, Percy! I have bacon! Wakey wakey, eggs and... er, bacey!"

I glared at her, but I sat up.

"Fine. I'm up."

I snatched the bacon from her and started slowly nibbling on it.

"Now, will you please explain to me what's so important?"

She looked grave again, "Percy, it has come to Chiron's attention that there's a greater threat out there then Kronos was. Someone who could change the course of everything. He's already changed some things. But we must stop him before he changes even more."

I furrowed my brow. Worse then Kronos? There was no way.

"Percy, I know that you probably don't believe me, but you have to. It's very important that we stop the madness."

I sighed, and slowly got out of bed.

"Fine. I'm in," I said tiredly, "But can you fill me in a little more on our way to... where are we going?"

"Camp half-blood. Chiron needs to tell us what our mission is."

***

"I bet you're wondering why I gathered you here today," Chiron said in a serious voice. Then he grinned and started cracking up, "Sorry kids, I've just always wanted to say that!"

I glanced around me. Chiron had gathered together Annabeth, Grover, Nico, Thalia, Clarisse, and Me. And some random little girl who was sitting with her brunette hair covering her face.

"Anyways," Chiron forced a look of seriousness back onto his face, "I need you kids to know of a threat. A threat greater then Kronos, as you well know"

"What could be greater then Kronos?" The small girl piped up.

"A man," Chiron said.

"Just a man?" I said in disbelief, "Is this man even a half-blood?"

Chiron shook his head, "No. He's not even an eighth god. He's one-hundred percent human."

We all stared at him.

"You're kidding, right?" Thalia said. Chiron shook his head.

"You kids don't understand the power of this man!"

"Who _is _this man?" Grover asked.

"I can't even speak his name without feeling the rage!" Chiron thundered suddenly. We all cringed back in our chairs.

"Well, we have to know his name if we're going to take him out," Clarisse said logically. Chiron thought about this for a second before nodding.

"Alright. His name... is _Chris Columbus_," he spat the name, "Cruel, heartless, son of a-"

"Wait," I said, "I've heard of him. Isn't he a movie director?"

Chiron nodded, and then Annabeth jumped up.

"He's the director of _The Lightning Thief_!"

We all stared at her.

"The lightning who?" I asked.

"The Lightning Thief! The Percy Jackson movie!"

Everyone froze. Chiron looked murderous.

"Annabeth! I told you that he must never know!"

She looked apologetic, "I know, Chiron. But I knew that one day he would find out. And I thought it better that he be able to truly understand what your telling us."

Chiron thought for a moment before nodding.

"Good point. So, Percy. There's a movie... about your adventures at camp half-blood. At first it was just a book series. And the book series had everything right. But then Chris Columbus directed the movie for the books... and he screwed everything up!"

I let this all sink in. A _book_? About _me? _And a _movie_? Wow... I was more popular then I thought!

"Okay," I said slowly, "I understand. So... what do we have to do?"

Chiron's eyes filled with fire.

"It's dangerous to have someone like him around! We can't let him screw up other movies!"

"So what do you propose we do?" The small girl asked.

"Good question, Hazel. Well... I propose that we kill him."

A collective gasp went up around the table. Kill? Killing was never allowed. Unless it was Kronos or his evil minions. But they were all gone now.

"Are... are you sure?" Grover said nervously, "I just wouldn't feel comfortable killing some innocent man..."

"That's the thing!" Chiron exclaimed, "He's not innocent! He has committed a crime worthy of death! So go out there, and kill him!"

We all stood up uneasily and left. This was going to be... interesting.

***

"So, Clarisse and Hazel are on watch," Thalia announced, "Annabeth and I will lead the way, and Percy and Grover will... finish the job. All clear?"

We all nodded.

"If anything goes wrong, page me," Clarisse held up her walkie-talkie, "I'll come in for back-up.

"Me too," Hazel said. I had recently found out that she was thirteen, and it was her second year to camp half-blood. She was a daughter of Ares, like Clarisse, but unlike Clarisse she was a very small and timid girl. I guess she took more after her mother.

"Let's go in," Thalia said. We all turned to the large house in front of us. I suppose that directing a movie would get you some cash, even if it was a totally crappy movie. But this house was huge. It was all sparkly white and clean.

"So... if we're not out in 30 minutes, come in after us," Thalia said to Clarisse and Hazel. They both nodded, and Grover, Annabeth, Thalia, and I headed in. We carefully opened the large front door and crept in silently.

"Keep Riptide ready in case there's some kind of security people," Thalia whispered to me. I pulled Riptide out of my pocket and uncapped it.

We slowly crept through the halls, until we reached a room that was most likely his bedroom. Grover motioned for me to follow him. I did. We opened the door, which only creaked a little, but Chris must have been a deep sleeper, because he didn't wake up.

"Should I just stab him?" I muttered, staring at Chris' sleeping figure. Grover shrugged.

"DIE, DI IMMORTALES!" Chris sat up and shouted, but then fell over and promptly fell back asleep. Grover and I stared at each other.

"Did that just happen?" I asked. Grover shrugged.

"Must be a sleep talker."

Grover pulled a can out of his backpack and started chewing it.

"Dude, do you know how loud that it?" I said in frustration, "It's ruining my concentration."

"Sorry," Grover started, "But-"

"GREEN POTATOES! DON'T EAT ATHENA!" Chris shouted again. I heard Annabeth and Thalia quietly walk in.

"Will you just finish the job?" Thalia said impatiently, "His alarm is set for six, and it's 5:50!"

I reached over and unplugged his alarm clock.

"There. We just bought ourselves some time."

"JUST KILL HIM!" Annabeth, Thalia, and Grover shouted. The Chris sat up... this time, for real. When he did, his eyes went wide.

"Who are you?" He asked.

"We're the _real _Percy Jackson characters," Annabeth sneered, "Not that you would know, because the characters you picked for us were all way to old and didn't even look like us."

"But... but they're good actors," Chris muttered.

_**BANG**_

__Thalia hit Chris Colombus on the head with a frying pan and he fell to the ground.

"Where the flip did you get that?" I stared at the frying pan. She pointed to his dresser. And why did he keep a frying pan on his dresser, did you ask? Well don't ask me. This guy's just a loony.

"The rainbow..." Chris muttered, reaching his hand up. We all stared at him.

"The what?" I asked.

"The rainbow... in my mind... takes me...

"The rainbow in your mind takes you where?" I asked. He just stared at me with his eyes filled with horror.

"Don't... just kill me now," He rasped. I shrugged and ran him through with Riptide, before remembering that it wouldn't affect a mortal.

Damn.

"Here, try this," Thalia advised, handing me a hammer. And why does she carry a hammer around with her? I have no flipping idea. But I took it anyway and hit him repeatedly with it.

"Ha, that makes a funny rhythm..." Grover said, and he started to tap the rhythm with his foot.

Dum. Da Dum. Da Da Da Dum.

Soon, we were all laughing and making different rhythms on Chris' head with a hammer. Somewhere in the midst of all of this, he died... slowly and very unpeacefully. But at least he was dead, right?

When we knew for sure that he was dead, we went back to Chiron, cheering our heads off.

"CHRIS IS DEAD!" We cheered. That's what I call a happy ending.

**Haha, that was so much fun to write... I love letting the crazy side of me out every once in awhile.**


End file.
